Day 51-60
Day 51
9.20.23 ● Side Cut ● 20.2 miles
This will not go down as a favorite ride. It was cloudy. Humid, but chilly. It seemed right to ride after a long day of babysitting for me and meetings for Dave. But, as soon as we got on the bike path it seemed that we were not jiving. I was wanting to go fast. Dave was not feeling fast. For some reason Dave’s legs were resisting.
On the rides like this he gets really quiet. I can tell that he hates disappointing me. I can tell that he is mad at the situation. I start questioning him. I should know better, I should just let it unfold and not say anything. I’m not good at that. He says he’s just so tired and then I start wondering, How so? Tired muscle-wise or tired all over tired? Are you short of breath? My goodness, you’re not having chest pains are you?” These questions, better kept to myself, only make him mad.
We ride the rest of the way in silence. Each of us just wanting to get home.
Day 52
9.22.23 ● Fort Wayne, IN ● 20-ish miles
I am remembering this ride from almost 2 years later. I didn’t write about it then and struggle to remember the details. But here’s what I do remember.
I was so tired of the same old paths near home. I wanted adventure like we had during the beginning of this project. I had read that there was a bike trail in Fort Wayne, IN and since that is only about 90 minutes from us, I lobbied for a bike ride day trip.. The deciding factor? A Granite City restaurant gift card that has taken up residence in a pencil drawer ever since they closed their Toledo location.
“There’s a Granite City in Fort Wayne”, I said. “Remember those awesome Maple Bacon Flatbreads?”
“Ok, let’s go,” Dave replied, and started to hook the bike rack to the car.
On that day, I learned something new. Putting a bike path name into a GPS is not the best way to find the beginning of a bike path. I wished I would have realized this before we got to Fort Wayne. The GPS gave us the exact midpoint location of the bike path which had nothing to do with parking, access or signage. As soon as we got into town, we were lost. We drove around, we asked pedestrians, we even went into a couple of business to inquire. No one seemed to know what we were talking about. It was not a good start.
Eventually we found access to it and a somewhat convenient parking lot and started riding. We didn’t really know where we were going and weren’t even sure how much path lay ahead. It was hot, we were confused, Dave was irritated and I was trying hard to turn this field trip around. We rode for a bit, but because we had spent so much time trying to find the path, it was now way past lunch time. We rode a bit more before I finally declared defeat. We made our way back to our car and had no trouble locating Granite City with our GPS.
While in the restaurant, a search on my phone led me to find a bike path along the river. Since we needed more miles, and, thanks to that delicious flatbread, we were no longer hangry, we decided to find it. It was a beautiful ride but as the path turned further and further away from crossroads and closer to large open fields Dave became anxious. After his two snapped spokes at home, he started wondering what would happen if a third spoke broke while we were here on this unfamiliar path with no idea how to navigate to a crossroad.
Me, I just wanted to have fun and enjoy this peaceful out of the way path. Looking back, I understand how he let the worry get the best of him. It really would have been quite a situation if we had a breakdown in the midst of this uncharted territory. As soon as we knew we would have our twenty miles total for the day, we turned our bikes around and headed back to the car. Ride 52 - the best part was the flatbread.
Day 53-56
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We are back in familiar territory and it is almost as if I can feel Dave exhale in relief, and interestingly enough, this makes sense.
It makes sense because just the night before, Dave comes home and tells me about a DISC assessment he took during a retreat at work. It is a personality trait tool that I had not heard of. According to this, he is an S which stands for Steady. No surprise there. According to what I read change is a challenge for S people and I see that in my husband. He is steady with a capital S unless he is encountering change and then he is like a fish out of water. That’s how it felt when we were in Fort Wayne and we couldn’t find the path we were looking for and were unfamiliar with everything around us but the Granite City we went to for lunch.
There are some real benefits to having a husband who is steady with a capital S. I never have to worry about, well, pretty much anything. He takes care of all the things that I would truly struggle with if I was flying solo. Taxes, insurance, bills, anything financial. Because of his steadiness, I live the life I am living. I pretty much do what I want, spend what I want, be who I want to be. It is an immeasurable gift.
I sometimes need to be reminded of this. Like when I am filled with sadness about how his feet hurt so much that we are not able to hike in parks or even go for walks in the neighborhood together. I am filled with frustration that this is something that I have no control over. I long for him to keep looking for a solution, but if that solution might involve surgery, that change is something that causes a fast and hard retreat for his “steady” personality. He would rather hurt than face that unknown, that change.
I am sad that this will affect the rest of our time together. I am seeing no way forward with the travels I thought we were going to do together. I cannot, in good conscience, plan for things that will only bring him more pain.
I’m not sure what the solution is. It might mean me going off and doing some things on my own. It might mean me settling with seeing our beautiful country from our car and giving up on my dreams of European vacations. It might mean me pushing him for a Backroads bike trip or two.
There is a piece of me that longs for adventure, yet there is also a part of me that is becoming more and more of a homebody. I love this home we’ve created and want to embrace it for as long as I can. I want to have family gatherings, grandchildren sleepovers, dinners with friends, and quiet mornings sipping tea and watching the sunrise. I guess it does me no good to wish all the goodness away by cloaking my heart with disappointment about interrupted travel plans. Maybe this home will end up being the best part of these next years and maybe that’s ok after all.
There will be a day when we are no longer here, enjoying this home we’ve made. We will be in a one-story home or I will be by myself. Or he will be by himself and I will be in some nursing home living my dad’s story. I don’t mean to be fatalistic, but at some point in time, there will be a change. Being an S for Steady, he won’t be happy about it, but then, neither will I.
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I'm tired of biking, I'm tired of writing, 6 more to go.
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Sadly we will remember the rides that are hard, and this one, for multiple reasons, was one I would rather forget. I don’t want to remember that Dave was battling pain right from the beginning. I don’t want to remember him shutting down and not willing to share his frustration, his emotions, his fear. Just let me in!! I am your wife. I want to share in your pain. It's a part of my job description.
But clearly that is not what he wanted. So, I left. I was already frustrated at how slow we were going, the lack of conversation, the lack of engagement. He seemed to clearly want to slog through by himself, so towards the end of the ride, I just sped up and kept going. I sailed furiously down the remaining roads to home. I barely looked back but when I did I was substantially ahead of him. It was a race I won, but it was no victory.
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I am behind in my recording of these rides. I remember that it was…
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Today was hot and windy. We’ve been given the gift of a few Indian Summer days and although the landscape of our ride is very much Fall with the half bare trees, the brown and tan fields, the reds and oranges and yellows all underneath gray billowy clouds, we feel as if this is a summer ride. We ride into the wind all the way to Fulton County. It is windy enough that we really can’t talk and hear one another. This is a hard several miles, but knowing that we will have the wind at our backs once we turn around gives us the push we need. And wow, once we turn around, there certainly is a push. We are hardly working and easily breaking into 16 -17 mph.
Day 58
10.27.23 ● Fulton County and Blue Creek x3 ● 20.1 miles
Today was a bit of a challenge. Dave realized halfway to the Fulton County line that he had hardly had anything to eat or drink throughout the day and we rode late afternoon. He was slow and shaky. Luckily he had a protein bar in his pack. By the time we got to Blue Creek he felt well enough to complete three loops so that we would get to our 20. And then there was me. I have developed a wrist injury that is exasperated by riding and it was really flaring up. This was a ride that we both were simply enduring; but some rides are like that. Almost done, almost done.
Day 59
10.27.23 ● to Side Cut Metropark● 20.1 miles
Today is chilly. 52 degrees, a bit of a wind. The sun is sometimes out, sometimes hiding behind rolling clouds. We bundle up. Both of us bought some colder weather attire to try out. I’m concerned about my wrist and decide to wear the brace that I usually reserve for nighttime. Dave is concerned about his knees. The colder it is the more they hurt.
But there is also an excitement following us down the path. We conquer this ride and there is only one more to do. We’ve done it. 60 rides for our 60th year. The end of this journey is only one more ride away.
Today is a Saturday, the wind has shifted so we head to Side Cut. We share the park on the weekends. Today there is a one year old getting his picture taken with his birthday cake, a high school senior picture photo shoot, a bridal party, a family with young children on their training wheel bikes, people of all ages walking their dogs, an older man navigating the path ever so slowly with a walker, his wife by his side. And Dave and I, a couple of 60 year olds trying to prove to ourselves that 60 isn’t so bad. It is fitting. All the ages and stages. Life laid out before us on this beautiful autumn day.
Day 60
11.4.23 ● to Delta ● 26 miles
It was the perfect day for the end of this journey. High 50s, very little wind, big banks of cloud formations moving across a blue sky, the sun casting sharp shadows on the newly bare trees.
I took my 10 year old self on this ride, the little girl who loved to ride the neighborhood by herself. I savored all the details and shared them with her. The curvy path through the woods, the pinecones and leaves littering the ground, the open fields of long harvested corn stalks, the willow tree we ride under and high five for good luck, the grazing horses we say hello to, the zig zaggy intersection, the tidy house, the covered bridge. By now they all feel like long time friends.
There’s a determination to finish strong. Achy knees and feet and wrists are pushed aside. We are not going to let them control the narrative. This will not be one of those disappointing rides. Despite our aches and pains, we choose one of our longest local routes and pedal on.
I’m proud. We did this. What started with a, wouldn’t it be fun if we tried to do this, passing comment in January, ended with an intimidating goal met. 60 rides despite unusual weather, busy schedules, and unexpected interruptions. 60 rides. 1291.25 miles. At a time when ebikes are all the rage, I’m not shy about boasting that the only power behind approximately 110 hours of pedaling was our legs. I feel stronger, both physically and mentally.
At the end, we pulled into our street with big smiles on our faces. The last 2/10ths of a mile seemed as if it should have been filled with celebration and fanfare of some sort. But of course our little street was as quiet as it always is. The ticker tape parade was only in our heads. But then, amazingly enough, and honestly, I kid you not, a bald eagle flew over the street right in front of our bikes. Our own private flyover. It was enough.
